one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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