yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think pants incapable of making pants work
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
