Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
