put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize