Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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