We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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