Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
