Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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