she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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