I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
