I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
