I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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