she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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