woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
