dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!