i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.