I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
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his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor