I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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