Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
