so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
