new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
