Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Duck Duck Cougar?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk