I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
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He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.