worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?