he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible