The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I did not marry a roomba.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
