would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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