I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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