thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
