the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
