I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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