I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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