Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
