At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
