you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
