if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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