He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
