You're my little dorito
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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