I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
