onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
