i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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