I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
