im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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