I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
