Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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