the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
