so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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