Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
