i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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