apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
