There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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