I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
