am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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