I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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