Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
