Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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