There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
