I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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