awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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