Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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