No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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