i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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