At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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