hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
