Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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