im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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