Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
