You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
