cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
