She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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