I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
