Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
