we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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