I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
