First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
