I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
